i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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