Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
