I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
