There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
