There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
