Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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