My cat gives me a boner
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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