idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
