and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
