How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
