You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
