I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
