The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
