I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
