My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
