dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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