hotel room ftw
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
