i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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