I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
