Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
