your thong is hanging out like whoa
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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