She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just googled if crying burns calories
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
