drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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