He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
