it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
