He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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