She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
