why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
