so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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