i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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