I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
