I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
