he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
