she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if only i could text you this smell
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
