I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
