you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
