The maid of honor just puked.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
