Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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