I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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