just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
