I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
