My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
