i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
