so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
