I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
