i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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