She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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