from now on my penis is your penis
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
