just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
