Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
