finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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