About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
