the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's like heaven, but drunker
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
