Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
