Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
