Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
