...so i touched it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
