brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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