It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
