never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
