that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
